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We had dinner that night and met up for breakfast two days later, then I followed him back to his Airbnb while he packed.

So I laid back and made little sighs of uot. It was only when he grabbed my hand and put it on his crotch that I jumped up and told him to stop.

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But I returned home confused about what had just happened. I had not consented to parts of that encounter, but I had gotten pleasure out of it.

But did the fact that part of me desired his touch mean I had consented to it? As it turns out, many individuals describe feeling arousal and pleasure during sexual assaults.

Additional research and clinical reports suggest that four to five percent of women have reported orgasm during sexual assault, but the numbers could be higher because people may not report this, according to a paper in the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine. I know what assault is. The professionals charged with the task of helping them often do the same.

The Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine paper quotes a doctor responding to a post in Want to get turned out online forum about a survivor who orgasmed during her rape by her estranged husband: Psychological acquiescence or complacency does not mean the woman did not enjoy the experience, and on some level, love her husband.

Similarly, male survivors of assault are very often doubted due to the misconception gef if their penis was erect enough tjrned have intercourse, they must have consented.

Was his dick hard? This type of thinking is proffered all over the media as well.

Urban Dictionary: Turned out

Such depictions reflect a widespread myth about how sexual arousal works: It just meant that the bell was a cue that was associated with food. Genital response can happen in response to sex-related cues, whether or not those cues are wanted or liked.

Sometimes, perpetrators make a calculated effort to turn their victims on. Sometimes, getting aroused can be a defense mechanism when the painful feelings resulting from the assault are too much to bear.

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Many survivors feel as if their bodies have betrayed them for responding to unwelcome stimulation, says Nagoski. Some even view it as a moral failure to get turned on by something so horrific.

Needless t say, it comes as a tremendous relief for them to learn that their genital response just means something sex-related happened. This shame, self-blame, and confusion could be avoided if we learned about the complexities of sexual violence: I Facebook messaged Want to get turned out the man who violated my boundaries and felt a mixture of excitement and anger Greenland swingers personals he talked about potentially moving to New York and seeing me again.

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But when he actually got a job offer there and gef we meet up when he arrived, something clicked inside me. But then, I thought back to his apology after that incident.

I may have been aroused, but arousal is not consent. The Establishment ran from October to April We championed the voices and stories of those marginalized by mainstream media, publishing more than 4, our by more than writers.

Thank you to everyone who supported us and made The Want to get turned out.

If you can't find the story you're looking for here, check out our entire archive on Medium! Looking For A Comments Section?

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